


Troll Raised

by GeektotheMax



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeektotheMax/pseuds/GeektotheMax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humans raised by trolls...what could go wrong with that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**KARKAT: Receive Little Pink Monkey**

“LALONDE, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING?” you ask reproachfully.  
“It’s a baby, Karkat,” she explains to you in her condescending tone of voice. Noticing your blank stare she adds, “... the human version of a wriggler.”  
“WHY IS IT HERE?” you retort worried about what this seer had in store for you in her sadistic mind.  
“It’s a phycological experiment,” Rose explained. “I’m curious to see how a human’s mind would be altered if directly influenced by trolls i.e. being raised by trolls i.e. living ALWAYS with trolls.”  
“YOU MUST BE FUCKING INSANE!” you yell back. “TROLLS DON’T FUCKING RAISE WRIGGLERS, THE CUSTODIANS DO! TROLLS LIVE ALONE! DON’T YOU FUCKING GET THAT?!”  
“I understand your argument, Karkat,” Rose replied, “but I am choosing to utterly ignore it.”  
“DON’T PUSH YOUR SHIT ONTO ME!” you yell again. “I REFUSE TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR FUCKING EXPERIMENT!”  
Rose let out a huff of frustration. “Alright then, Karkat. I guess I’ll just have to let Vriska have her to raise. I’m sure that she will receive quality life lessons from her...if she survives that long.”  
You draw back slightly at the extremeness of the proposition. “FUCK,” you mutter under your breath. You look at the little monkey sleeping in Rose’s arms. You can’t simply allow her to be doomed to reach such a short end. You growl in frustration at your only option in the matter. Raising your voice just enough for Rose to hear you grumble, “GIVE IT HERE.”  
Rose smile twists into one of victory. “Thank you, Karkat. I knew I could count on you to be rational guy,” her sarcastic tone seeping through so blatantly.  
“SO GENIUS,” you say trying to get the idea into your head, “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DO WITH THIS THING?”  
“I don’t know,” Rose shrugged as she walked towards your hive door. “Do what a custodian normally does for a wriggler. Do whatever comes naturally.”  
“NATURAL! NOTHING IS NATURAL ABOUT THIS!” you yell after her, but it was already too late. Rose was slamming the door behind her making the transaction complete.  
Now you are left alone in your hive a little human monkey sitting in your arms. What are you going to do now?

 

**KARKAT: Enter Name of Little Pink Monkey**

You have no idea what you are going to do with this human and do not know whether or not it has a name so you decide to give it one.  
**Name: Overbearing Burden X**  
You know that that name is a bit much even though it does describe it perfectly. You try again.  
**Name: Aazoth Vantas ✓**  
Vantas, you think, why did it have to be your name? Oh well a name is a name. What are you going to do now?

 

**KARKAT: Troll Kanaya**

If anyone knows what is going on it would be Rose’s consort, Kanaya. You decided to troll her to get some sort of answer.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  
CG: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?  
GA: Do What Might I Impose?  
CG: YOU KNOW FUCKING WELL WHAT. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS HUMAN WRIGGLER THAT TT JUST DROPPED ON ME?  
GA: Ah  
GA: So She Got You To Accept Did She?  
GA: How Marvelous  
GA: I’m Sorry, Karkat, But I Promised Not To Advise Those Participating In The Experiment No Matter How Much They Begged Or Threatened.  
GA: My Deepest Apologies.  
CG: YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!  
CG: DON’T TELL ME THAT YOU ARE IN ON THIS!  
CG: AND WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN BY “THEY”  
CG: YOU MEAN I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE ROSE IS BOTHERING WITH THIS?  
GA: I’ve Already Said More Than I Should Have, But Yes, You Are Not The Only One.  
CG: IT’S ALMOST LIKE I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR FUCKING IDIOCY  
CG: HAVE YOU THOUGHT THROUGH THIS FOR YOURSELF  
GA: That Is The Joy Of Knowing What Is Going On  
GA: I Never Have To Know What It Would Be Like For Myself, Because It Is Never Going To Happen To Me Because Of The Knowledge I Already Have.  
CG: FUCK YOU  
CG: BUT THANK YOU  
CG: YOU HAVE BEEN A GENUINE PAIN IN THE ASS  
CG: NO, REALLY, YOU COULDN’T HAVE BEEN MORE FUCKING GENUINE  
CG: BECAUSE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE GENUINENESS I WILL GIVE YOU THE HONOR OF ME LEAVING YOU WITH YET ANOTHER GENUINE FUCK YOU  
CG: FUCK YOU  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 

**KARKAT: Ponder What You are Going to Do**

You roll your eyes at the command. Of course that’s what you have to do. There was never a choice in the matter. But what do you need to do? You haven’t got the slightest idea in that.  
You get a notice on your computer that someone is trolling you.

 

**KARKAT: Answer Troll**

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
GC: H3Y K4RK4T  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, TEREZI?  
GC: W3LL, 1 W4S WOND3R1NG WH3TH3R YOU COULD H3LP M3 W1TH 4 SM4LL SOM3TH1NG  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?  
CG: I’M HAVING MY OWN PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW  
GC: W3LL 1F YOU COULD COM3 OV3R TH4T WOULD M4K3 1T 4 L1TTL3 B1T 34S1ER  
CG: FUCK  
CG: FINE  
CG: I’LL COME OVER  
CG: BUT I DON’T HAVE TO LIKE IT  
GC: OH  
GC: HOW H3RO1C  
GC: ...  
GC: JUST COM3 OV3R 4S SOON 4S YOU C4N  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

**TEREZI: Be Flustered**

You. Flustered. Nah.You kept sniffing at the wriggler in your arms. You think that maybe Karkat could help you figure out what to do with this thing. You think back to when you got this thing.

 

**TEREZI: Think Back**

“NO, ROS3,” you say bluntly.  
Rose takes in a sarcastic breath. “Terezi, if I don’t give her to you I’ll have to give her to Vriska and I know that we don’t want that.”  
You stand there for a moment then let out a huff. “B3FOR3 1 T4K3 1T, WH4T DO 1 H4V3 TO DO W1TH 1T?”  
Rose drops the human into your arms. “Teach it how to be a troll. Show it everything you do. Just take care of it,” she said as she started to leave.  
“TRUST1NG 4 BL1ND G1RL W1TH SUCH 4 T4SK,” you sneer, “YOU MUST B3 D3SP3R4T3.”  
“Just do what you do best,” Rose said just before she closed the door behind her.

 

**TEREZI: Back to Present**

This human monkey lay squirming in your arms. Is this really how you are supposed to handle it? How can you be sure? Karkat said he was coming so you decide to stand there with that thing in your arms. It squirms around in your arms trying to wriggle away from your grasp.  
It eventually rolls out and plummets towards the floor of your hive, or apartment, whatever Rose called it. You snatch it out of the air by its foot, its head less than a foot away from impact.  
It squealed with joy as it swung back and forth in your iron fist. As the swinging slowed and it realizes that it is upside down it begins to cry, wail to be a little more accurate.  
This wriggler is starting to get on your nerves. You set it down on the ground gently and stare at it as it rolls around screaming with dissatisfaction. What will you do now?

 

**TEREZI: Interrogate**

You debate whether or not that is the best solution. The first step, the silent technique wasn’t drawing out the result you wanted. You don’t know whether the next step is viable for your purposes.  
If you smacked it around a bit with the technique of being just hard enough to sting but not enough to bruise the wailing might increase.  
You sit there considering your other interrogation options to get the wriggler to shut up.

 

**KARKAT: Walk Over To Terezi’s Hive...Apartment...Thing**

You can’t do that just yet. You can’t just leave the human alone. You jump onto your computer and find the first person on.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]  
CG: TAVROS, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE THIS MOMENT  
AT: uMMM  
CG: NO QUESTIONS, JUST GET THE FUCK OVER HERE  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

As you wait, you set Aazoth on the ground and make a quick round of searching for any sickles within her reach. After removing those you hear the glorious toll of the doorbell of your hive. You rush over to it and shove the unexpecting Tavros through the door.  
“JUST FUCKING WATCH THE KID FOR A WHILE,” you explain as you are walking out the door. “I’M GOING OVER TO HELP TEREZI WITH SOME FUCKING THING OR ANOTHER.”  
You hear a quiet “uMMM” come from behind you as you slammed the door shut behind you.  
You walk towards Terezi’s door located a mere three hive (apartment...what-fucking-ever) doors away. As you get closer you begin to hear screaming.  
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” you yell as you approach Terezi’s hive. You grab the handle of the door and test it. Unlocked perfect. You dash in to see Terezi staring dutifully at the screaming bundle on her floor.  
When she hears her door open she sniffs in your direction, “P3RF3CT T1M1NG, K4RK4T. H3LP M3 W1TH TH1S TH1NG.”  
“WHAT THE FUCK  ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN’T TAKE CARE OF A BABY LIKE THAT! YOU GOTTA...” you pause unsure of what to say. “YOU GOTTA...DO THIS,” you say as you reach down and pick up the baby cradling the baby awkwardly in your arms.  
The little human shuts up instantly and smiles strangely up at you. You awkwardly pass the baby back to Terezi. You turn and stalk away quietly.  
“YOU H4V3 ON3 TOO DON’T YOU,” she says as you reach the entrance again.  
You pause. You don’t want to admit defeat that easily, but you don’t want to lie either. You just walk out, yelling “FUCK OFF” behind you as you slam the door. You know that she wouldn’t give up that easily.


	2. Chapter 2

**KARKAT: Return Home**

  
Psyche!  
You are now Terezi Pyrope.  
You continue to sit on the floor for about ten seconds after Karkat left. Keeping the human in your arms you rush out the door after him. “K4RKAT! G3T B4CK H3R3!”  
You hear him pause just as he is about to open his door. The rattling of the handle didn’t last long so you know that he’s waiting. He spins on you and snaps, “WHAT?”  
You step closer to him, the human in your arms again on the verge of tears. “W3 COULD H3LP 34CH OTH3R OUT. 1 M34N YOU H4V3 ON3, 1 H4V3 ON3, WHY NOT WORK TOG3TH3R ON TH1S ON3?” you say trying to push the child into his arms again so it would shut up.  
“I ALREADY HAVE MY HANDS FUCKING FULL WITH ONLY ONE,” he says simply. “NOW...I GUESS I SHOULD GO AND FUCKING RESCUE TAVROS FROM THAT KID.” He shoves the child fully into your arms. He turns to his door and enters.

**KARKAT: Enter Hive**

  
You walk into your hive and notice something weird. While you were gone the number of wrigglers doubled. You stand there wide eyed. “TAVROS...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?” you ask the roboleged kid.  
He looks up at you a look of confusion crossing his face. “wHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE HAPPENED, i TOOK CARE OF THE KIDS,” he replies simply.  
“I MEAN WHY ARE THERE TWO OF THEM NOW?” you ask again.  
“oNE IS MINE, kARKAT,” he says as he scoops up the child you didn’t recognize.  
“WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME THIS?”  
“yOU DIDN’T GIVE ME A CHANCE TO,”  
Terezi walks into the hive behind you. She brushes past you and sets her kid down next to yours. The two are instantly giggling with each other tugging at the short hairs on their heads.  
Tavros straightens himself and walks towards the door. “nOW, i SHOULD GO BACK TO my HIVE AND TAKE CARE OF my KID,” he says as he closes the door behind him.  
“WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?” you say staring towards the door.  
“1T S33MS L1K3 W3 4R3N’T TH3 ONLY ON3S WHO ROS3 CHOS3 TO G1V3 K1DS TO R4IS3,” Terezi says behind you.  
“HOW FUCKING MANY?” you wonder aloud.  
“TH3R3 1S ONLY ON3 W4Y TO F1ND OUT.”

 

**KARKAT: Troll Rose**

  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]  
CG: HOW FUCKING MANY?  
TT: excuse me?  
CG: HOW MANY FUCKING KIDS DID YOU GIVE?  
TT: there were eight, four girls, four boys  
CG: WHO GOT THEM?  
TT: that would spoil the fun now wouldn’t it?  
TT: hehe  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR FUN. JUST TELL ME  
TT: huff  
TT: fine then  
TT: Nepeta  
TT: Gamzee  
TT: Sollux  
TT: Aradia  
TT: Tavros  
TT: Feferi  
TT: Terezi  
TT: and you  
CG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD  
CG: YOU TRUST ALL OF THEM WITH THIS?  
TT: don’t you trust them?  
CG: ALL EXCEPT GAMZEE WHEN HE GOES INSANE  
TT: it will make the child an interesting test subject  
CG: HE’LL FUCKING KILL THE KID!  
TT: kanaya and i will be sure that he doesn’t  
CG: BY THE TIME YOU REALIZE HE IS GOING ON A RAMPAGE THE KID WILL ALREADY BE FUCKING DEAD!  
TT: well  
TT: it’s too late now to take it back  
TT: it seems to be already addicted to faygo  
CG: WHAT!!!  
TT: as i said before it will be an interesting test subject  
CG: NOW IF HAVING GAMZEE WASN’T ENOUGH  
CG: NOW WE’LL HAVE A SMALLER VERSION OF HIM FUCKING EVERYTHING UP  
CG: THAT SOUNDS JUST GREAT ROSE  
CG: THANKS ALOT  
TT: a lot  
TT: it’s two words  
CG: OH I HAVE TWO WORDS FOR YOU  
CG: FUCK  
CG: YOU  
TT: now is that all the information you required?  
CG: FUCK NO  
CG: HOW DO YOU FUCKING TAKE CARE OF A KID?  
TT: that is for me to know  
TT: and you to figure out  
CG: FUCK YOU  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling TentacleTherapist [TT]  
TT: good luck, Karkat  
tentacleTherapist [TT] changed their mood to offline

**KARKAT: Think of What To Do**

  
The orders are starting to get on your nerves a little fucking bit. You decide to ignore it...but how are you going to do that. It makes sense. Fuck it! You just start thinking.  
“H3Y, K4RK4T, WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG?”  
“SHUT THE FUCK UP. CAN’T YOU SEE I’M THINKING.”  
“4BOUT WH4T, SM4RT ON3?”  
You want to refrain from saying it, but you give in. “I’M THINKING OF WHAT TO DO, GOG DAMMIT!”

**TEREZI: Come up with ingenious plan**

  
“K4RK4T,” you say, “C4LM DOWN, 1 H4V3 4N 1D34.”  
He spun on you and glared his cherry flavor eyes at you. “THEN WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING GRACE US WITH YOUR BOUNTIFUL KNOWLEDGE OF FUCK.”  
“TH3 HUM4NS KNOW HOW TO R41S3 HUM4NS. WHY DON’T W3 4SK ON3 OF TH3M?”  
“DON’T YOU THINK I HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF THAT? ROSE IS OUT AND I SURE AS FUCK DON’T WANT TO ASK THE OTHER THREE.”  
You let out a huff. “F1N3 TH3N. 1’LL 4SK TH3M.”

**TEREZI: Troll Dave**

  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntableGodhead [TG]  
GC: H3Y TH3R3, D4V3  
TG: oh hey there terezi  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T WOULD B3 TOT4LLY COOL OF YOU?  
TG: …  
TG: what?  
GC: GU3SS  
TG: i have no idea  
TG: what?  
GC: F1N3  
GC: 1T WOULD B3 TOT4LLY COOL 1F YOU COULD T3LL M3 HOW TO R41S3 4 HUM4N K1D  
TG: …  
TG: what  
TG: the FUCK  
TG: do you mean?  
GC: W3LL  
GC: YOU S33  
GC: ROS3 1S M4K1NG M3  
GC: 4ND OTH3RS  
GC: R41S3 HUM4N K1DS ON OUR OWN  
GC: 1T’S ON3 OF H3R W31RD 3XP3R1M3NTS  
TG: what the fuck  
TG: why are you asking me?  
GC: B3C4US3  
GC: DON’T YOU W4NT M3 TO R41S3 1T TO B3 4 COOL K1D L1K3 YOU?  
TG: 1. i’m not a kid anymore  
TG: 2. no one can be as cool as me or bro  
TG: 3. what the fuck makes you think i know how to raise a kid?  
GC: YOU W3R3 4 HUM4N K1D  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T 1S N33D3D  
TG: like hell if i know  
GC: TH1S 1S GO1NG NOWH3R3 F4ST  
TG: you think  
GC: W3LL  
GC: TH4NKS FOR YOUR US3L3SS H3LP  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntableGodhead [TG]

**TEREZI: Troll Someone Else**

  
You check to see which of the humans are online. Only one is aside from Dave.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  
EB: oh hey there Terezi  
EB: what’s up?  
GC: 1 H4V3 4 W31RD QU3ST1ON FOR YOU  
EB: …  
EB: what is it?  
GC: DO YOU KNOW HOW TO R41S3 4 HUM4N K1D?  
EB: huh?  
GC: ROS3 1S DO1NG ON3 OF H3R W31RD 3XPP3R1M3NTS  
GC: SH3’S M4K1NG SOM3 OF US R41S3 4 K1D OF OUR OWN  
EB: sounds  
EB: …  
EB: interesting  
GC: 4ND 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW TO DO TH1S  
GC: N31TH3R DO3S K4RK4T  
EB: Karkat has a kid too?  
GC: Y4H  
EB: …  
EB: sorry, Terezi  
EB: I have noooooooo idea how to do anything like that  
GC: UGH!  
GC: F1N3!  
GC: B3 TH4T W4Y!  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

**TEREZI: Rant**

  
“4444GH! WHY DO 4LL OF TH3S3 HUM4NS H4V3 TO B3 CLU3L3SS?!” you yell to the high heavens.  
Not only are you frustrated, you are starting to become panicked. You have to get to your job, courtesy of Rose, soon. She did do one thing right with these arrangements, she got you a legislacerator job, well actually “lawyer,” but who likes what humans call their jobs. Anyways, you had a case to attend. Who would take care of the kid while you were away. Not only that, but who would ask Jade when she got on?

**TEREZI: Get Your Way**

  
“H3333Y, K4RK4T?” you inquire.  
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?” he asked spinning to face you. Your human grub was falling asleep in his arms after she almost caught hold of a sickle in her hand. His grub was on the ground grabbing at anything within reach. Karkat pulled a sickle out of her reach in a fluid motion without bothering the sleeping bundle in his arms.  
“S1NC3 YOU S33M TO H4V3 4 B3TT3R 1D34 OF HOW TO DO TH1S TH4N M3, WHY DON’T YOU T4K3 C4R3 OF BOTH OF TH3M WH1L3 1 4M 4T WORK?”  
“FUCK NO.”  
“K4RK4T, YOU W1LL B3 DO1NG M3 4 B1G F4VOR BY W4TCH1NG MOZUY1 FOR M3.”  
“FUCK NO.”  
“1’LL W4TCH YOURS WH3N YOU H4V3 WORK. 1 TH1NK 1T’S 4 F41R 4R4NG3M3NT. DON’T YOU?”  
“I SAID FUCKING NO, TEREZI.”  
“GR34T. TH4NKS, K4RK4T,” you say as you inch your way to the door. You are almost out when you add, “OH 4ND COULD YOU CONT4CT J4D3 WH3N SH3 G3TS ON? SH3’S TH3 L4ST ON3 TO 4SK 4BOUT TH3 K1DS. TH4NKS 4G41N, K4RK4T,” you say as you slam the door closed behind you. You continue on, your cane tapping the ground lightly as you proceed to the courthouse for your amazing legislacerator job.

**KARKAT: Flip Your Shit**

  
You shit remains unflipped. See, here is your shit. And here it is, unflipped. But you are still fucking pissed.  
“NO, TEREZI, I SAID FUCKING NO!” you yell at the closed door.  
The wriggler that you had in your arms didn’t move an inch even when you were yelling at the top of your lungs. She slept content and unbothered by all the noise.  
It was no use. Terezi was off to her job and you are stuck here with the two wrigglers.  
KARKAT: Wait for Jade to Get On  
It feels like a fucking age that you’ve been waiting in front of your husktop for that girl to get on. You keep glancing at the time indicated in the corner of the screen for a reality check. It’s only been five fucking minutes since Terezi left.  
You’ve set down her wriggler and the two of them are sound asleep on the carpeted floor of your hive. You realize that you still don’t know what Terezi’s grub’s name is. Not like you give a fuck. She can tell you when she gets back.  
Trollian is up and waiting for others to get on. You glance at the handles that are up. Looks like Eridan and Gamzee are on, but you don’t want to talk to either of them at the current time. Too late, Gamzee is already trolling you.

**KARKAT: Troll Gamzee**

  
terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
TC: HeLlO tHeRe My MoThErFuCkInG bRoThEr  
CG: DAMMIT GAMZEE  
CG: IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU FUCKING WANT  
TC: NaH jUsT wAnTeD tO sAy Hi To My BeSt FrIeNd In ThE uNiVeRsEs  
CG: HI THEN  
CG: I’M A BIT FUCKING BUSY IF YOU HAD TO KNOW  
CG: I CAN’T REALLY TALK RIGHT NOW  
CG: AND YOU SHOULD REALLY BE BUSY TOO  
CG: SHOULDN’T YOU  
CG: YOU HAVE A KID AFTER ALL  
TC: Oh  
TC: YoU mEaN vRiBaG  
TC: hElL nO mOtHeR fUcKeR  
TC: hE sEeMs To Be DoInG fInE  
CG: THAT’S THE PROBLEM  
CG: YOU’RE TAKING IT TOO FUCKING LIGHTLY  
TC: WhAt MaKeS yOu SaY tHaT?  
CG: YOU NEED TO FUCKING RAISE IT  
CG: DON'T TAKE THE JOB OF A LUSUS SO FUCKING LIGHTLY  
TC: I'm TaKiNg CaRe Of It  
TC: He'S sLeEpInG nOw  
CG: WELL I GUESS THAT'S ALRIGHT THEN  
TC: He SlEePs AlOt  
CG: WAIT WHEN DID ROSE GIVE HIM TO YOU?  
TC: A lItTlE wHiLe AgO i DoN't ReMeMbEr  
CG: WELL YOU ARE A FUCKING LUCKY BASTARD THEN  
TC: He ReAlLy JuSt SleEps  
CG: MY WRIGGLER AND TEREZI'S HAVE ALREADY TRIED TO GET INTO MY SICLES TOO MUCH ALREADY  
TC: Oh, LiTtLe ViRbAg DoEsN't LiKe My ClUbS  
TC: I'm SoRrY bRo

You look at the users that are on and you notice Jade’s handle lit up.

CG: WELL IT LOOKS LIKE THE ONE I NEED TO TALK TO IS ON NOW  
TC: GoOd LuCk, My MoThEr FuCkInG bRoThEr! I BeLiEvE iN YoU  
TC: :0)  
TC: HoNk HoNk  
CG: YAH BYE  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

**KARKAT: TROLL JADE**

  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]  
CG: HARLEY  
CG: WHY THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME WAIT SO LONG?  
GG: karkat, we have been over this many times  
GG: when starting a conversation you need to start with a greeting  
GG: hello, karkat  
CG: HELLO, HARLEY  
CG: NOW MAY YOU ANSWER MY PREVIOUSLY ASKED QUESTION?  
CG: OR WILL YOU SIMPLY NOT DEEM ME AN ANSWER BECAUSE I DIDN’T GREET YOU FIRST?  
GG: chill out, okay  
GG: i was at work  
GG: i cant always be online  
CG: YEAH YEAH  
CG: NOW LISTEN, HARLEY  
CG: THIS MAY SEEM A BIT ODD, BUT I NEED YOU TO WORK WITH ME  
CG: I MEAN THIS WILL BE REALLY ODD  
CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO HANDLE HOW ODD THIS FUCKING QUESTION IS.  
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ODD IT IS  
GG: i would if you would tell me already  
CG: OK  
CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW TO RAISE A FUCKING HUMAN WRIGGLER?  
GG: …  
GG: huh?  
CG: I TOLD YOU THAT IT WAS STRANGE  
CG: WHY AM I EVEN ASKING?  
CG: I MEAN WHY WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO RAISE A WRIGGLER?  
GG: karkat  
CG: IT’S PROBABLY THE DUMBEST QUESTION EVER ASKED ON THIS FUCKING PLANET  
CG: WHY WOULD TEREZI WANT ME TO ASK YOU OF ALL PEOPLE?  
GG: karkat  
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE HAD ANY MORE EXPERIENCE AT THIS THAN JOHN OR DAVE  
GG: karkat!  
GG: i work at a daycare  
GG: i know generally what you need to do  
GG: im just confused  
GG: why do you need to know?  
CG: OH  
CG: RIGHT  
CG: WELL  
CG: ME AND TEREZI BOTH GOT LANDED WITH WRIGGLERS BECAUSE OF LALONE AND HER FUCKING EXPERIMENTS. WE BOTH HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THESE. WE WERE TRYING TO SEE IF WE COULD GET SOME POINTERS, SO WE CAN FUCKING RAISE THESE WRIGGLERS LIKE A HUMAN WOULD  
GG: oh thats it?  
GG: sure  
GG: ill help you out  
CG: GOOD  
CG: THANK YOU  
GG: i am graced with a karkat thank you?  
GG: what a glorious day  
GG: ;)  
CG: DON’T EXPECT ANOTHER  
CG: NOW, CAN WE FIGURE THIS OUT QUICKLY? I DON’T WANT TO BE CLUELESS ANY LONGER  
GG: of course  
GG: im off work tomorrow conveniently  
GG: i can take you and terezi baby shopping then  
CG: FINE  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it took me so long to get this written up. I had most of it written by the day after I posted the last chapter, but I never finished it. Hopefully I'll have inspiration and more written soon.


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